We Hang Banners! For a Championship, Just Add Butter!

Do you see what it says on the information board in the background?  The one above Marshall's head?  You know, the one that is lit up?  That's right!  Still don't see it . . . Well, let me help you.

ACC CHAMPIONS!

You know Roy sees it!  I have to admit.  I was a little worried about ol' Roy.  His body language was bad and his dadgums flew a little easier than they used to.  Now, look at him.  Look at that face.  That is the face of rejuvenation.  That smile has me sleeping easy.  Ol' Roy's got his legs back.  Not only do I love Carolina, but I love this TEAM!!!  In case you missed it:

Championship Stolen? 

Try Taken Through the Use of Violence & Intimidation

The Headline following the game on ESPN was UNC beats Duke to steal ACC title. What the fuck is that?  The legal definition of theft is the generic term for all crimes in which a person intentionally and fraudulently takes personal property of another without permission or consent and with the intent to convert it to the taker's use.  "UNC beats Duke to steal ACC title."  Seriously!  That is the fucking headline ESPN, the world wide leader, went with.  How is that an accurate representation of our regular season accomplishment and season long growth?  The hotlink does not take you to the headline and it is no longer there.  However, I assure you, it was there and for a while (so no accident).  I don't subscribe to the DSPN, aka dook Sports Programming Network, conspiracy, but something's got to give.  With 2 freshman, 2 sophomores, and one junior that has never played a full season, our team has achieved at a high level and carried themselves with a maturity that is well beyond their years.  If you are going to imply a larceny crime, try robbery.  The legal definition of robbery is the direct taking of property (apparently including championships) from a person (Coach K) through force, threat or intimidation.  We took that shit, nothing was given to us.  There was no fraud.  We didn't use blue gypsy flopping tricks to gain an unfair advantage and it was not rightfully dook's to loose.  Get it together ESPN!  We are CAROLINA and we HANG BANNERS!

However, I've got an inside source that says the main culpret identified in the police line up was Dexter "Nothing But the Truth" Strickland (I'll explain the new nickname later).

Dex loves the Rivalry . . . VIOLENTLY!!!

Click on the "Dex loves the Rivalry" link if you think Charlie Sheen quotes are hilarious!

In case you stop reading now, check back tomorrow for a look at the ACC Tournament, including a historical look at Tournament where UNC and dook enter as the 1 and 2 seeds.    

Tweets of the Day

 The source of the title for this post is from Deon Thompson and 

Deon Thompson is the muthertruckin' man!

DeThompson9 Deon Thompson

#WeHangBanners and I'm out..

KButter5 Kendall Marshall

New start. Another goal to accomplish.. 9 to go.

 Retweet of the Day

marcuspaige15 Marcus Paige

Yessir RT @BWill_54: @marcuspaige15, @phenom15balla, JP Tokoto, Tony Parker = Winning!!!

This is the Retweet of the Day because the future Tar Heel PG Marcus Paige is putting it out there and establish himself.  Thats right.  Do work. RECRUIT!  Let 'em know Charlie Sheen style.  "The only thing I am addicted to is WINNING!"  Speaking of Charlie Sheen, rumor has it that there is no morals clause in his CBS contract.  Now that is good lawyering! And WINNING! (Sidebar for Marcus: I know this is a retweet, but in the future, Tony Parker does have a twitter account.  Make sure you mention him so that it hits his feed.  Just saying.) 

Grades Are Posted!

To review, I went to law school, so I believe in grade normalization.  What do you believe in?  Everybody gets a trophy, anarchy, English comas, and kicking puppies.  I've got no use for people that think everyone gets a ribbon.  What the hell is a participation ribbon anyway?  On a 4.0 scale, the median player grade for each game will be between 3.0 and 2.75.  If you don't like grade normalization, don't apply to a real academic program.  If everyone gets an A, how valuable is that A?  If this hurts your sensibilities, may I suggest you try community college? This will be boiler plate language that I use in the future for this section.  Therefore, if you've read it once, you need to re-read it because you will be tested on this information later, but probably not.  

 Daniel "Yellow Mamba" Bolick, Van Hatchel, DJ Johnston.  Grade - 3.0.  As a small child, I remember chanting Scott Cherry's name in the Dean Dome and not understanding why.  Now, I get it. These guys are the unsung heroes of every season.  The effort they give in practice is essential for game day execution.  Watching the first two minutes of the dook game, you understand just how hard these guys work and appreciate the fact that they are pretty good basketball players.  After Plumlee picks up his first foul, the score is 3-0 when they leave the game. Their collective grade is a 3.0.  Do you see the symmetry? Nice, right.

Justin "Godsend" Knox. Grade 3.0.  As the only scholarship senior, Knox started and, like Blue Steel, set the tone early.  He came out aggressive and let dook know from the gate that it was going to be a long night!  Look at the pic and tell me that is not what it is all about!  If you need more proof of how outstanding Knox is, it comes from @TarHeel8123,  "@JKnox25 Appreciate you hooking me up last night outside the Dome. My daughter has a piece of UNC history."  Well played, sir.  Well played.

Kendall "Butter" Marshall.  Grade - 3.5.  I could drop effusive praise on Marshall for days.  He is a great leader.  I knew we had a good one last year when he drove down from VA to support Reggie Bullock in the NC high school championship game.  Since then, he has failed to disappoint.  He even kept the stats for the team managers during the UNC/dook Team Manager's basketball game this week.  Awesome!  That is a guy that gets it, support those that support you.  So what? You want me to "show your work" and justify his grade.  Starting at zero, Marshall gets a .25 for every assist and made field goal, but looses a quarter point for every TO and missed FGA that drives his FG% below 50%, i.e. KM went 5-8 so if he would have missed 3 more shots for 5-11, the 11th would have knocked him down another .25.  To the math.  Butter had 5 FGM = 5(.25) = 1.25; 11 Asst = 11(.25) = 2.75; 2 TO = 2(-.25) = -.50.  1.25 + 2.75 - .50 = 3.5.  For a championship, just add Butter.

Dexter "Nothing But the Truth" Strickland.  Grade - 3.25.  I said I would explain the nickname above and here it is.  Following the game against FSU, Dex had this to say, “I think that on Saturday we’re going to win. I know we’re going to win on Saturday.” Yeah, was the score 81-67 Carolina?  NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH!  Dex talks it the way he walks it.  Love seeing him attack the basket and bring NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH!

Quick Roy, hide your eyes!  Oh, the humanity!

Harrison "Black Falcon" Barnes.  Grade - 3.5.  Barnes led the team in scoring, offensive rebounds (tied), and steals.  He was tied for second in total rebounds and third on the team in assists.  What else can you ask for?  How about shut down defense.  Singular went 3-14 from the field.  After the game, Singler put himself in timeout and buried his nose in the corner.  Should of done that before the game.  Do you hear that sound?  It is the value of Singler's rookie contract evaporating.  Harrison had his favorite D.H Lawrence quote ready to console Singler.  Haha, FAIL. 

John "Mr. Fantastic" Henson.  Grade - 3.25.  What do you call it when double-doubles become routine and opposing players wake up in the middle of the night with cold sweats three day before you even play the game.  Fantastic.  What do you call it when it manifests itself in the reality of a man BEASTING the paint.  John "Mr. Fantastic" Henson.  You just can't quantify his impact on the game.  The elusive "altered shot" stat would be dominated by Mr. Fantastic and that is pretty freakin' fantastic to have guarding your rim!

Tyler "ROR" Zeller.  Grade 3.25.  ROR, aka Return on Revenue.  He is an Academic All-American as a business major (as someone that spent significant time in the McColl building, I know that is no small feat) so he knows all about ROR.  An increase in the return on revenue indicates that a company is reducing its expenses relative to its revenue because net income, simply put, is revenue minus expenses.  On the court, his game is consistent and efficient.  On Sat., Big Z goes 7-11 for 14 points with 5 rebounds.  Strong ROR.  Just like his go-to move, the baby hook, it is nothing splashy, but you can expect strong, steady returns.  Z is not going to make the led on SportCenter, but he is going to go about his business and get it done.  On a side note, how is the view, Curry?  If you don't move, you are going to get posterized!

Leslie "Lezz" McDonald. Grade 3.75.  Lets play a little Jeopardy.  The Category: Spell The Defined Word.  The Clue: As good as it is possible to be; free from any flaw or defect in condition or quality; faultless; or precisely accurate and exact.  The Answer:  What is L.E.S.L.I.E. space M.c.D.O.N.A.L.D. What you thought it would be p.e.r.f.e.c.t.?  Don't be ridiculous!  Lezz was free from any flaw or defect from the field and precisely accurate or exact from the throw line, with an assist and no turnovers in 15 mins.  Said another way, he was AS GOOD AS IT IS POSSIBLE TO BE!  Big time players, play big in big games.

Justin "Money" Watts.  Grade - 3.0.  Just like his "money" dance during the celebration after the game, Watts was money Saturday night.  So money.  In limited time, he grabbed two rebounds (one offensive) and scored two points.  I should say it one more time, MONEY!





If you are a nerd, you crunched the numbers and know that the median individual player grade is 3.22.  But Biscuit, you said blah, blah, blah, law school, blah, blah, blah, participation ribbons, blah, blah, blah, 2.75-3.0, blah, blah, blah, I am douche.  Well, fuck off.  Grades are appealable to administration for suspected grade inflation in the Dean Dome next season when we HANG the BANNER!

Team Grade - 4.0.  When you beat dook to win the ACC Regular Season Championship, it is as close to perfect as you will ever get (outside a national championship).  If this was high school with weighted grading, dook/UNC would definitely be an AP class, so an A would represent more.  However, I would not respect myself in the morning.  A 4.0 is rare enough and it is also Leslie McDonald, i.e. PERFECT! So, settle down.